I'll be there for you

I apologize for the heaviness of my last blog, about Cameron’s passing. This played a very important roll in who and where I am today. I needed my readers to understand how important this was to me, because some of my past classmates and teachers didn’t…

I don’t remember much after his passing, but I do remember who was there for me. I see who truly cares, who my real friends are and were I belong.

At Cam’s funeral, my boyfriend Daniel held my hand the entire time,. When I first entered the chapel I had my best friend Anselma and Danielle on both sides of me, Daniel behind and Cameron lying in front of me…My best friends.

Naturally everyone I knew gave their condolences. I’m so sorry, I’m here if you need me blah blah blah. But after a while of Ginger being depressed, people started to think it was time for me to move on, this put a big damper on most of my college relationships.

 Over the course of the next few months I had a hard time going to class and to social functions. My grades went down, my attendance, and me being mentally present. Soon almost all of my ‘college’ friends pulled away. I wasn’t expecting anyone to treat me differently and give me a free pass. But I did expect people to understand and support me.

For school, my understanding teachers let me get by with just getting my homework and test done on time. The other failed me because of my attendance, (I kept him updated on my situation weekly, from the beginning to the end of semester.) 

This is why I am retaking English 111 at delta.

End of my freshman year.

My next blog will be about what pushed me away from SVSU and to Delta. 

Saying Goodbye for now.

Now for the bad part of my Christmas break…

The winter semester was close to a start. I was back at my dorm and preparing for classes. Then I get a call. It was Cameron’s mom, he wasn’t doing well. She told me they didn’t think he would make it thou the night.  They called in hospice and it was just a matter of time. So I left my dorm in a hurry and drove over to his house. I can’t even begin to explain the things that happened that night, it was surreal and I wish that upon no one. It was something I never thought I would have to go thou, then it did and I wouldn’t trade that night for the world.

When I arrived at his house, it was nearly empty. He’s little brothers were sent away for the night and it was just his parents, his aunt, hospice and I. The night started out as him being able to sit up, watch TV and talk. Then it turned into seizers and Acoma. Before the coma struck, Cameron was litterly fighting for his life, I remember him saying no a lot and shaking and forcing himself to stay.  We prayed and prayed for this to end, but he didn’t let go. Finally after hours upon hours Cameron went into Acoma. Hospice sent us all to bed and told us she would get us if he woke up.

When I woke up I heard Cameron talking, I ran into the living room and he was sitting up acting like nothing had happened. He kept asking us why we were crying and why were we all there. I said Cameron you don’t remember? He said no I just woke up. After that everything was fine.

They kept Cam at home with hospice, his condition got worse. He could no longer, eat, stand up, go to the bathroom, and barely talk. Cancer took everything away from him. After about a week, hospice had to leave, insurance no longer covered it. So his parents decided to take him to a all natural healing center in Alabama. This was suppose to heal him, and if not put him in a peaceful environment to pass on.  When I said goodbye to him, I held back my tears and said ‘I love you and I will see you soon.’ As i new, this was the last time i saw Cameron. 

The next week his health inproved and we all thought he was going to come home. Until one night, it was the night of a bad snow storm, I got the call. Cameron had passed away.

The only part of his funeral I remember was how peaceful and cured he looked in his casket.

Looking back now I see so much. I see that the night all the bad stuff happened was just an eye opener to how we needed to let go, because he was truly suffering. That night when we were told he wouldn’t make it though, he fought for another two weeks. I see how strong he was for those 4 years. I see how big a part of my life he was. He is my hero. I see how his family welcomed me in as family and now I hold them as my own. 

RIP Cameron Alan Lamont. 

True Love

Christmas break was extremely eventful; some great stuff some bad stuff.  I’m going to start with the good.  His name is Daniel Alexander Hasse<3

2008

We used to date a few years back, like when I was a junior in high school. We broke up because he had a few things put before me and vis versa. We became friends, but I secretly stalked him. Not crazy hide in the bushes stalking just used every excuse to call or see him. I was still madly in love with him and he wasn’t; this went on for the next two or three years.

Then my graduation party came and we had been talking more and more. Then his sister wedding happened and things really took off. I didn’t know it at the time but Daniel started to fall in love with me at her wedding. He said ‘As soon as I seen you dancing with another guy, I was jealous, then I realized that I have feelings for you.’  This was August. By time school started he started texting me, calling me, and asking to see me more, like everyday more. When I ask him about this now he says that he couldn’t stop thinking about me and when I wasn’t around he wanted me around and when I didn’t answer my calls or text back right away he would think I was with a different guy; this is when he realized that he loves me.

So Christmas eve came around and he calls and asks me when I can be over. I said maybe tomorrow, on Christmas after noon. When I arrived at his parents house he greeted me with a hug, usual, but this one was different; it was one of those 

'I will never let go hugs.' 

He asked me what was with the bow, which I had completely forgotten about, I said I’m your Christmas present. We spent the next few hours with his family and then went off to be alone. There he kissed me. we talked about the past, our break up, how we’ve gown up, I confessed to stalking him, he confessed to being an ass for not seeing it sooner and FINALLY he asked me to be his girlfriend! 

Christmas 2012 will be our two year anniversary.

2010

Christmas break will continue on my next blog post.

freshman days

My flawless dorm 

 My first day on campus was interesting.  It was such a busy day I remember. It started with waking up SO early, then driving out to SVSU, then checking in, then freshman orientation, and then the Cardinal Picnic.  Also along with all that trying not to get lost, meeting a ton of new people, and normal first day of school jitters. After getting settled in my new dorm and going though the very boring orientation, which included yet another campus tour, I was finally able to make it to the Cardinal Picnic.

 Picnic was pretty much the make it or break it for college. This is were you go to sign up for extra curricular activities. When I arrived I was over whelmed with all the people! There were so many different clubs, sports, organizations, and what I was most interested in Sororities. As I walked around so many people were trying to talk to me, in fact a group of cute guys came up to me and before I knew it I had signed up for the dodge ball team. Great. I sucked at dodge ball! So moving on to different tables and groups I came across three sororities. I instantly knew which one was for me.

When I arrived back at my dorm I told my roommate how much fun I had. I told her all about my dodge ball team and my intentions for the sorority.  When I finally received an e-mail with dates and times for recruitment events, I put it all in my planner right away.

My Big and I (fraternal, not biological)

Before you start to think 'oh great this girl paid for her friends.' Please don't judge, this sorority was a lot more that just partying, drinking, and hazing. In fact it was the exact OPPOSITE! It was just what i needed after my high school days. 

First day of classes came and went so did recruitment. I went back home to hang out with old high school friends when I received a phone call inviting me to join the sorority. I was ecstatic. When I arrived back at school, I had a group of girls waiting to take me out to celebrate. After I accepted their offer I became a new member, also was able to wear letters.  Pretty much after this my first semester was a blur. Classes, dodge ball practice, sorority events, mixers, etc…  Before I knew it I was saying goodbye and home for the holidays.

Find out what happened during Christmas break in my next blog. ;)